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Gents
HMZ God
Trinidad and Tobago
2214 Posts |
 Posted - 25/02/2004 : 12:12:29
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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at
>>work.
>>
>>Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her
>>husband
>>came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. the boy
>>now
>>has company.
>>
>>Boy: Dark in here.
>>Man: Yes it is.
>>Boy: I have a baseball
>>Man: That's nice.
>>Boy: Want to buy it?
>>Man: No, thanks.
>>Boy: My dad is outside.
>>Man: OK, how much?
>>Boy: US$ 250.
>>
>>In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's
>>lover
>>are in the closet together.
>>
>>Boy: Dark in here.
>>Man: Yes it is.
>>Boy: I have a baseball glove.
>>Man: How much?
>>Boy: US$ 750
>>Man: Fine
>>
>>A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
>>Let's go
>>outside and toss the baseball.
>>
>>The boy says: I can't, I sold them.
>>The father asks: How much did you sell them for?
>>The son says: US$ 1000
>>The father says: That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
>>that.
>>That is way more than those two thing cost. I am going to take you
>>to
>>church and make you confess. They go to Church and the father
>>alerts the
>>priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and
>>closes
>>the door.
>>
>>The boy says: Dark in here
>>The priest says: Don't start that sh!t again.
ZIDER! |
Edited by - Gents on 25/02/2004 12:13:15
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Jungle Jim
HMZ God
Falkland Islands
1872 Posts |
Posted - 25/02/2004 : 12:23:31
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Heres another:
A prisoner escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it , looking for money and guns...but, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed,ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed......he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is in there, the husband tells his wife : "Listen! This guy
is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably has spent lots of time in prison & hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex...don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you...give him satisfaction! This guy must be dangerous! And, if he gets angry, he will kill us! Be strong, honey. I love you!"
To which the wife responds :
"He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, found you very sexy & asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey. I love you, too!!" |
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T-Man
Cider Bus Convert
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 25/02/2004 : 12:39:34
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Here's another gag from a new member to the forum
THE LOVE DRESS
>>
>>
>> The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married
couple's
>>house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw
her
>>daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
>> "What are you doing?" she asked.
>> "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the
>>daughter-in-law answered.
>> "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
>> "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
>> "Love dress? But you're naked!"
>> "My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and
it
>>makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he
will
>>be home from work any minute."
>> The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.
On the
>>way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got
>>undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front
door.
>> Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing
naked
>>by the door.
>> "What in the world are you doing?" he asked.
>> "This is my love dress," she replied.
>> "Needs ironing. What's for supper?"
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Al Caholic
Cider Bus Convert
Vatican City
145 Posts |
Posted - 25/02/2004 : 14:07:51
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And a small zider joke
A mangy redneck youth (probably from Bridgewater) walks into the kitchen where his mom is fixing the night's dinner. "Mom, I got a splinter in my finger. Can I have a glass of zider?" asks the slack-jawed youth.
"Are you sure you don't want me to pull it out?"
"No thanks, just the zider."
"Well, sure," responds the youth's mother and gives her boy the zider and watches him trot off contentedly.
About 15 minutes later the boy returns to the kitchen and again asks him mother for a glass of zider. His mother, not wanting to question his reasoning, gives him another glass and again watches him leave happily.
Ten minutes later the boy returns and once again asks for a glass of zider. The mother complies with her son's wishes again, but her curiosity has been piqued to the point where she can't resist knowing why any longer. She wanders into the family room and sees her son sitting in front of the TV with his finger in the glass.
"Why on earth do you have your finger in that glass?" asks the boy's mother.
"Well, mom, I heard sis on the phone say that whenever she had a prick in her hand, she couldn't wait to get it in zider."
 
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linger
White Lightning Beginner
Bosnia and Herzegovina
16 Posts |
Posted - 25/02/2004 : 16:55:29
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Another funny joke.
A panda is walking around Soho square and is in great need of some sex, He's walking around for nearly Half an hour when he sees, down a back alley, a brothal. so he goes in and says
" I know i'm a panda but do u know of anyone who will let me shag them??"
"As a matter of fact i do, the woman in room 9 is up for anything, go on up" says the woman behind the desk
So the panda goes up and into room 9.
first of all he goes down on her, and starts to warm her up by licking her out.
Then he starts shagging her, after its all finshed the panda gets up and leaves without paying!! the woman gets dressed and chases him out, she finally catches the panda down the street and says,
" u have got to pay me, i'm a prostitute u owe me money"
the panda replies " but i am a panda i dont howe you anything" turns around and walks off!!
the woman can not believe this, and runs after the panda.
eventually the woman pulls the panda in to waterstones the book shop, grabs the oxford dictionary and reads out the definition of a prostitute.
prostitute- has sex in exchange for money
the panda grabs the dictionary and says look at this
Panda- Eats bush, shoots and Leaves
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joke
